It is a Thursday Morning in September, and I waiting to hear if Hurricane Irma is going to collide with my state and how serious it may be. By this time next week the storm will have passed us, but now it is the unknown, the what do I do, and the frustration of all that waiting.
I do not like waiting. When I travel on the day I am to leave, I have my bags packed and ready to go right then and there, and I am ready to go that moment. I have always been that way. I think I got that from Ma who thought people should leave sooner than later if they were having to travel. So waiting for Irma to arrive or not arrive touches that part of me that wants her to hurry up and get the traveling over, but she has slowed down in her movements.
I have had my share of waiting for bad things to happen. If you live long enough, bad things will happen. Some of them I wanted the wait to go on and on because at the end of that waiting was the end of the life of someone I loved. Other times, I wanted the wait to be over just so I would know what I would need to do to set things right again.
In November 2002, I had one of those waits where I wanted it to be over though I dreaded what would happen. I was having major surgery. There was no way around it. the cause of my blood count going down was a hiatal hernia up in my diaphragm that caused me to lose blood every time I breathed which is about 8 times a minute. I had been given transfusions and iron supplements. They helped for awhile but my blood count was going down again. I was losing a unit of blood a month. There was no way out of the surgery. Anyone who has surgery in which you can prepare knows that you go thru tests, and I had those- about one a week. I also had a transfusion.
As the days progressed as I got closer to the date of that surgery, the more irritated I got with having to wait to get on with what I needed to do after the surgery. I can often be more patient with others than I can be when it comes to things concerning myself. I was not patient. I wanted this to be behind me. I had to wait and the days seemed to drag as slow as molasses dripping off a spoon. I was on hold until it was behind me. The last day was the worst.
I had made arrangements for a cousin to take me to the hospital the night before the surgery because I would go down early the next morning. I clung to my mother, and she clung to me just before I left. There was in her mind that she might lose another child. There was in my mind that I just needed her to hold me. Once I got settled into the hospital room, I read, I watched TV and I ran out of things to do. I was trying to do anything to keep out of my mind the surgery. I never felt as alone as I did that night waiting- waiting for whatever would happen to me, waiting for my life to change, wanting it to be behind me. Somehow I fell asleep, and they woke me early the next morning. I still had to wait. The clock seemed to slow down. Every second seemed to take longer than I remembered. I was waiting. Then the time came to go down to surgery.
I felt terribly alone in those hours waiting in the hospital. I felt more than a little lost. It is like that when you are alone and waiting for something big like surgery or a hurricane taking its time. When things finally began to happen, they happened fast. I know that will be when I want to say slow down-despite the fact that I wanted everything to move ahead as fast as it could. After the surgery, I woke to lots of pain and to what would be an ugly scar down the middle of my body... I call it my zipper. I recovered from the surgery but my body was scared. Troubles do that to you.
After each of the troubles that have came to my life, I have been changed in someway. The surgery left an ugly scar, but I was no longer at risk of bleeding to death slowly. The tornado that came thru our woods in 1995 changed our woods forever. If Irma comes my way, there will be changes and hopefully it will be an added strength to my soul.
When I faced the surgery in 2002, I never doubted that I would survive the surgery. Others did, but I did not. As I wait for Irma, I have no fears as to my safety. I have more for those I love, and I am praying daily that they will survive and the things they love will survive also. But like all the trials and troubles in our lives, we will each change who is in Irma's path. Hopefully we will change for the better.
But still waiting is hard...
I do not like waiting. When I travel on the day I am to leave, I have my bags packed and ready to go right then and there, and I am ready to go that moment. I have always been that way. I think I got that from Ma who thought people should leave sooner than later if they were having to travel. So waiting for Irma to arrive or not arrive touches that part of me that wants her to hurry up and get the traveling over, but she has slowed down in her movements.
I have had my share of waiting for bad things to happen. If you live long enough, bad things will happen. Some of them I wanted the wait to go on and on because at the end of that waiting was the end of the life of someone I loved. Other times, I wanted the wait to be over just so I would know what I would need to do to set things right again.
In November 2002, I had one of those waits where I wanted it to be over though I dreaded what would happen. I was having major surgery. There was no way around it. the cause of my blood count going down was a hiatal hernia up in my diaphragm that caused me to lose blood every time I breathed which is about 8 times a minute. I had been given transfusions and iron supplements. They helped for awhile but my blood count was going down again. I was losing a unit of blood a month. There was no way out of the surgery. Anyone who has surgery in which you can prepare knows that you go thru tests, and I had those- about one a week. I also had a transfusion.
As the days progressed as I got closer to the date of that surgery, the more irritated I got with having to wait to get on with what I needed to do after the surgery. I can often be more patient with others than I can be when it comes to things concerning myself. I was not patient. I wanted this to be behind me. I had to wait and the days seemed to drag as slow as molasses dripping off a spoon. I was on hold until it was behind me. The last day was the worst.
I had made arrangements for a cousin to take me to the hospital the night before the surgery because I would go down early the next morning. I clung to my mother, and she clung to me just before I left. There was in her mind that she might lose another child. There was in my mind that I just needed her to hold me. Once I got settled into the hospital room, I read, I watched TV and I ran out of things to do. I was trying to do anything to keep out of my mind the surgery. I never felt as alone as I did that night waiting- waiting for whatever would happen to me, waiting for my life to change, wanting it to be behind me. Somehow I fell asleep, and they woke me early the next morning. I still had to wait. The clock seemed to slow down. Every second seemed to take longer than I remembered. I was waiting. Then the time came to go down to surgery.
I felt terribly alone in those hours waiting in the hospital. I felt more than a little lost. It is like that when you are alone and waiting for something big like surgery or a hurricane taking its time. When things finally began to happen, they happened fast. I know that will be when I want to say slow down-despite the fact that I wanted everything to move ahead as fast as it could. After the surgery, I woke to lots of pain and to what would be an ugly scar down the middle of my body... I call it my zipper. I recovered from the surgery but my body was scared. Troubles do that to you.
After each of the troubles that have came to my life, I have been changed in someway. The surgery left an ugly scar, but I was no longer at risk of bleeding to death slowly. The tornado that came thru our woods in 1995 changed our woods forever. If Irma comes my way, there will be changes and hopefully it will be an added strength to my soul.
When I faced the surgery in 2002, I never doubted that I would survive the surgery. Others did, but I did not. As I wait for Irma, I have no fears as to my safety. I have more for those I love, and I am praying daily that they will survive and the things they love will survive also. But like all the trials and troubles in our lives, we will each change who is in Irma's path. Hopefully we will change for the better.
But still waiting is hard...