Reflections from the Wilderwood
September 6, 2019
My landline phone and my connection with the internet went out on Monday, August 18, 2019. I get both through a small telephone company which is a co-op which means this fall I will get a small check. I discussed things with the telephone company and told them to wait until Friday four days later to fix it, but the day before I put them off until the next week, and then I put them off again. On Monday, September 9, 2019, if all goes well, I will be back on the grid. There is part of me hoping that it will be put off longer, but I know I must return to the modern world eventually.
What did I do with all that time I now had?
I wrote on my novel. I know, I know all too well that I have been writing on it forever. I wrote some of it when I was on the road driving across the state of South Carolina. Only the beginning I had put down on paper; the majority was shaping characters from a void and developing a plot. One day my main character, an 82-year-old woman said to me in my head. My front name is Sardis. I had something to call her. I also knew she was from the mountains of Western North Carolina. A couple of years later I was in Spartanburg, SC about 8 PM having made my last foster home visit of the day. I was tired and Sardis piped up that is my back name. The street was named Runion. From that point on, Sardis has been in charge of her story. I hope people will like this woman who has lived her life fully. It is her journey to forgiveness. When hurts are deep it takes a long, long time to get to that point where you can forgive. Sardis hurts are deep. It also takes a long time to apologize to others that you have not hurt, but someone you loved has hurt them. I used to believe that was not for me to apologize because I did not do the wrong. I was wrong in thinking that because we get tainted by association to those who caused the harm. To heal our own inner heart, we have to say I am sorry. It is becoming a bridge to peace. Sardis is a bridge to peace. It is something only she can do. During the past couple of weeks, I understand where Sardis is taking me much better than I did in July.
The other thing is my story is complex, too many characters, no one will understand it, and why tell such a difficult tale. Didn’t start out that way, but early on I did a document that was interviews with my characters. It was handwritten at first and then typed up. My computer died taking all that work with it. My friend Doreen Tabor, an author herself, was given a copy of these interviews. Last year she brought up that document of my interviews and said that really made my story. I took that thought and pondered on it. I wrote them again and decided to incorporate them into the novel which made things all the more complicated…but that is me- if there is an easy way that will get it 90% there and a complex way that will get it 100% there- I will always take the complex way. I have been merging the two documents together. It has meant adding to the novel to make it flow. I really enjoyed the process.
What else did I do?
I began reorganizing my pantry. After nearly 10 years, things need to be gone and rearranged to work better for me. It is not easy work, but it needs to be done.
I found I still dislike cell phones. I forget to turn it on during the daytime. I missed calls. I never set up my voicemail in my cell phone. I hated voicemail when I worked. My landline has voicemail. I didn’t need or want two. I am sorry that I missed your calls, but this old lady enjoyed the quiet most days I was off the grid.
What else?
I saw things. From my love seat I began to notice this one particular tree. It is a very large Black Gum tree. One of the largest I have ever seen. These are very slow growing trees, and I know it has been around close to a century. Black Gum Trees have an unusual bark. It is an intricate pattern of shades of light gray to nearly black. This pattern only becomes more vivid as the tree expands. This tree is about 100 feet high or higher. The bark is lovely. I love the pattern that this tree grows.
I saw things. During the storm that took out my internet and landline, there was one huge earth-shaking boom. The windows in my solidly built house rattled and I felt the vibrations under my feet. I saw this week one of the ancient giant trees dying. I know it was the one hit. I have not gone into the woods to see what type of tree it is, but I think it is an oak.
When I went out, a young red tail hawk escorted me out my road. I heard the owls call at night. I deer often. Once I stopped to watch one and he looked back at me. It reminded me of a Robert Frost poem… “Two look at two”… actually my favorite poem by him. It was a moment of perfection.
What else?
That same storm took down finally the oldest dogwood on this land. It had died several years ago, but it was still standing as a skeleton as a reminder of its years blooming. Its base was rotted, and the huge amount of rain brought it down. I have written two poems about this tree, and I intend to write its eulogy. Dogwoods grow very slow and as they age their bark becomes pieces of a collage. It is gnarled, and rough, and shadowed. I love the feel of dogwood bark. It has wonderful textures. When I used to walk up the driveway, I used to stop and gaze in wonder at this tree. I often patted its bark and told it how lovely it was. It was about 30 to 36 inches around. I know that it shared its life with me for about 40 years. It was big then. I know it was probably there when my father and mother was born in 1915, and probably was there when two centuries ended. Who knows? It may have been a seedling while the civil war was being fought. I climbed it a couple of times when I was still in my 20s. One of the few trees I climbed on this place. A couple of weeks before it fell, I went up the driveway to take some pictures but forgot my sim card. I don’t think I was meant to share the picture I saw that morning. The sun hit that old bark in a certain way, casting shadows I had never seen. There was a face in that bark of a very old face with a wrinkled brow a long nose, mustache and beard that flowed down into the earth. Within five minutes that face was gone. Tried to catch it again- never got the exact time right. I had always thought of that tree as an aging grandfather, and that glimpse told me I had been right. I thought of J. R. R. Tolkien and his creative mind that created the Ents. I wondered if he had one of those moments of seeing a face in some ancient tree. I knew that one day this old tree would fall. That was a certainty. I knew that its days were over but seeing it on the side of the driveway made my heart ache. I had lost a good friend. I will plant another dogwood from this place where this dogwood once ruled. I have begun my quest for finding the right tree.
What else?
During the power outage I redid my prayer box. I am again doing my prayers for people and things and guidance? It has renewed my spirit. The people I prayed for during this time of being off the grid kept me connected to those I did not see. One of my prayers I say each day is Lord be in my mouth, mind, and eyes of everyone I see and talk to on this day, and be in the minds, mouth, and eyes of everyone who thinks or speaks to me on this day. It is a wonderful way to realize that like the bark of that Black Gum tree that we are intricately connected even when we do not hear and speak to a person. We are woven together like the bark of a Black Gum Tree. It is a beautiful when we take time to comprehend how interwoven we are with each other.
Lord,
Bless all who reads this and give them joy on this day. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Ever in Christ’s Love,
Mary Elizabeth Todd
September 6, 2019
My landline phone and my connection with the internet went out on Monday, August 18, 2019. I get both through a small telephone company which is a co-op which means this fall I will get a small check. I discussed things with the telephone company and told them to wait until Friday four days later to fix it, but the day before I put them off until the next week, and then I put them off again. On Monday, September 9, 2019, if all goes well, I will be back on the grid. There is part of me hoping that it will be put off longer, but I know I must return to the modern world eventually.
What did I do with all that time I now had?
I wrote on my novel. I know, I know all too well that I have been writing on it forever. I wrote some of it when I was on the road driving across the state of South Carolina. Only the beginning I had put down on paper; the majority was shaping characters from a void and developing a plot. One day my main character, an 82-year-old woman said to me in my head. My front name is Sardis. I had something to call her. I also knew she was from the mountains of Western North Carolina. A couple of years later I was in Spartanburg, SC about 8 PM having made my last foster home visit of the day. I was tired and Sardis piped up that is my back name. The street was named Runion. From that point on, Sardis has been in charge of her story. I hope people will like this woman who has lived her life fully. It is her journey to forgiveness. When hurts are deep it takes a long, long time to get to that point where you can forgive. Sardis hurts are deep. It also takes a long time to apologize to others that you have not hurt, but someone you loved has hurt them. I used to believe that was not for me to apologize because I did not do the wrong. I was wrong in thinking that because we get tainted by association to those who caused the harm. To heal our own inner heart, we have to say I am sorry. It is becoming a bridge to peace. Sardis is a bridge to peace. It is something only she can do. During the past couple of weeks, I understand where Sardis is taking me much better than I did in July.
The other thing is my story is complex, too many characters, no one will understand it, and why tell such a difficult tale. Didn’t start out that way, but early on I did a document that was interviews with my characters. It was handwritten at first and then typed up. My computer died taking all that work with it. My friend Doreen Tabor, an author herself, was given a copy of these interviews. Last year she brought up that document of my interviews and said that really made my story. I took that thought and pondered on it. I wrote them again and decided to incorporate them into the novel which made things all the more complicated…but that is me- if there is an easy way that will get it 90% there and a complex way that will get it 100% there- I will always take the complex way. I have been merging the two documents together. It has meant adding to the novel to make it flow. I really enjoyed the process.
What else did I do?
I began reorganizing my pantry. After nearly 10 years, things need to be gone and rearranged to work better for me. It is not easy work, but it needs to be done.
I found I still dislike cell phones. I forget to turn it on during the daytime. I missed calls. I never set up my voicemail in my cell phone. I hated voicemail when I worked. My landline has voicemail. I didn’t need or want two. I am sorry that I missed your calls, but this old lady enjoyed the quiet most days I was off the grid.
What else?
I saw things. From my love seat I began to notice this one particular tree. It is a very large Black Gum tree. One of the largest I have ever seen. These are very slow growing trees, and I know it has been around close to a century. Black Gum Trees have an unusual bark. It is an intricate pattern of shades of light gray to nearly black. This pattern only becomes more vivid as the tree expands. This tree is about 100 feet high or higher. The bark is lovely. I love the pattern that this tree grows.
I saw things. During the storm that took out my internet and landline, there was one huge earth-shaking boom. The windows in my solidly built house rattled and I felt the vibrations under my feet. I saw this week one of the ancient giant trees dying. I know it was the one hit. I have not gone into the woods to see what type of tree it is, but I think it is an oak.
When I went out, a young red tail hawk escorted me out my road. I heard the owls call at night. I deer often. Once I stopped to watch one and he looked back at me. It reminded me of a Robert Frost poem… “Two look at two”… actually my favorite poem by him. It was a moment of perfection.
What else?
That same storm took down finally the oldest dogwood on this land. It had died several years ago, but it was still standing as a skeleton as a reminder of its years blooming. Its base was rotted, and the huge amount of rain brought it down. I have written two poems about this tree, and I intend to write its eulogy. Dogwoods grow very slow and as they age their bark becomes pieces of a collage. It is gnarled, and rough, and shadowed. I love the feel of dogwood bark. It has wonderful textures. When I used to walk up the driveway, I used to stop and gaze in wonder at this tree. I often patted its bark and told it how lovely it was. It was about 30 to 36 inches around. I know that it shared its life with me for about 40 years. It was big then. I know it was probably there when my father and mother was born in 1915, and probably was there when two centuries ended. Who knows? It may have been a seedling while the civil war was being fought. I climbed it a couple of times when I was still in my 20s. One of the few trees I climbed on this place. A couple of weeks before it fell, I went up the driveway to take some pictures but forgot my sim card. I don’t think I was meant to share the picture I saw that morning. The sun hit that old bark in a certain way, casting shadows I had never seen. There was a face in that bark of a very old face with a wrinkled brow a long nose, mustache and beard that flowed down into the earth. Within five minutes that face was gone. Tried to catch it again- never got the exact time right. I had always thought of that tree as an aging grandfather, and that glimpse told me I had been right. I thought of J. R. R. Tolkien and his creative mind that created the Ents. I wondered if he had one of those moments of seeing a face in some ancient tree. I knew that one day this old tree would fall. That was a certainty. I knew that its days were over but seeing it on the side of the driveway made my heart ache. I had lost a good friend. I will plant another dogwood from this place where this dogwood once ruled. I have begun my quest for finding the right tree.
What else?
During the power outage I redid my prayer box. I am again doing my prayers for people and things and guidance? It has renewed my spirit. The people I prayed for during this time of being off the grid kept me connected to those I did not see. One of my prayers I say each day is Lord be in my mouth, mind, and eyes of everyone I see and talk to on this day, and be in the minds, mouth, and eyes of everyone who thinks or speaks to me on this day. It is a wonderful way to realize that like the bark of that Black Gum tree that we are intricately connected even when we do not hear and speak to a person. We are woven together like the bark of a Black Gum Tree. It is a beautiful when we take time to comprehend how interwoven we are with each other.
Lord,
Bless all who reads this and give them joy on this day. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Ever in Christ’s Love,
Mary Elizabeth Todd